I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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