There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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