hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
