I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize