mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
