Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
