why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you win again, gameday.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
