im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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