I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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