Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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