this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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