You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
