I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize