OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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