and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
