Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
