the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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