its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
