Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
