You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
