it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize