I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
