The best revenge is premature balding
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
