I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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