the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
