I just pynch a tree in the face
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
