I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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