I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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