Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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