I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
