i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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