I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
