**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My vagina is officially offended.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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