Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
