In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
