we're blogging at a bar
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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