She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
