Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
