okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
