you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
