you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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