you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
