Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
