I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
