remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
