we have pet lesbian snakes
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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