Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
