Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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