Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
