I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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