I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I want is dick and wine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
