Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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