maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
