how can u be prego again
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
