I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
