We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
