dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
