Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
