I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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