fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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