I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
