she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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