There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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