so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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