That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
