My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
