My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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