i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
