I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
