The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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