i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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