Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i came on her dog
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
