why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
