so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
