so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
